The truths I’ve learned, the rules I’ve broken, and the work I’m doing to shape a life I actually want to live (Plus, the one thing I want for my birthday)
Happy Birthday Emily! I've been following for quite a while and I love this list. If I could tell my younger self anything it would be "you are gorgeous, omg, your hair looks great, you are so stylish and cute." I spent way too much time worrying about my looks when in reality, I didn't need to change a thing! In my later years, I am trying to say yes to as much as possible which is why I recently packed up my little dog and moved temporarily to Spain where I am working for an educational foundation. Am I fluent in Spanish - NO - but I have a tutor and I am learning and growing every day.
My DD lives in Spain. May I ask what educational foundation you work for? I’m always looking for ways to get there. I love Spain. And as a former teacher, I love that. You’re there as their schools could use the help. DD did two years as an auxiliar , and oof! The stories!
I am a new subscriber. This was my first article I’ve read and I am damn impressed and proud of myself for making a good decision by subscribing. My BFF subscribes to you and I figured if she likes you, I will too. I was right. :)
Item #9 was my favorite in your list of really great topics. Life is happening now. Don’t wait till you are thinner, richer, happier or out of debt. Carpe Diem and grab life by the cajones and go after what your heart desires. Happy New Year. I hope it’s the best one yet!
Number 4 is especially powerful to me. In 2023, my marriage of 14 years ended and I felt lost. I was about to turn 39, and everything I had known and expected of my future was gone. After a few months of rotting, I decided to start “showing up for me,” which I learned I had forgotten how to do during my marriage. I started saying yes to invites out with friends, I joined a needlepoint club, I invited people to my house for dinner; I showed up for me and started designing the life I wanted. And deserved.
A year post divorce, and newly 40, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’m living the life I want. Making decisions based on what brings me joy, not because I feel like I should. It’s a beautiful and powerful feeling.
Emily, happy birthday! I read nearly every word you write, and just printed this email out because it's such well rounded guidance for the year (and always.) Thank you for everything you share with us and for always being authentically you.
Happy Birthday! These are all great lessons. I find that I actually tell myself "Other People Are Busy Thinking About Themselves, NOT YOU" often when I start to ruminate or have an introvert hangover after a social outing. It's a good stopgap to the over-thinking.
I hope the next year is so much better than this last one for you!
I would tell myself that everyone is making this up as they go, and everyone is doing this for the first time. You don't have to have it all figured out right away.
And no one else is you or has your life, so you are automatically the default expert in it.
Lastly, you are not responsible for other people's emotional reactions to your boundaries. Someone else might be disappointed, but it is worse to disappoint yourself.
Thanks, Emily, as always, for your excellent writing and your voice! I hope you have a great birthday!!
Happy birthday, Emily! As someone with a couple more decades under her belt than you have, I wholeheartedly agree with this list--and I will be sharing it with my daughter :)
Happy Birthday and welcome to the club! I'm 44 and the thing I wish my younger self knew is that work won't love you back. Working overtime and bending over backwards for a company will not do you any good. Call out sick, take a mental health day and don't feel guilty!
I just turned 40 last November and I found this list so helpful. One of the things I encountered as I turned 40 was the realization I had all these beliefs in my head about what it meant to now be 40 that were complete trash. Working on rooting those out when they pop up. Happy birthday to you!
Yes!! The difference between beliefs and truths is something I (internally) think about often. Especially beliefs about myself (I just the type of person who… etc etc)
Happy birthday!!! I would tell my younger self that it’s okay to let go of people. Listen to the signals your body sends you. Families are a construct, and one day you’ll make a new family and it will be beautiful and loving and respectful. You are a whole and unique person and you have value.
Happy Birthday! And as I like to say to anyone turning 40, welcome the dark side. LOL This is a great list. The career path and timelines stuck out to me. I wanted to teach since I was a kid and that's what I went to school for and what my entire career was. But almost 20 years in I walked away because it was taking away from me and not giving anything back (even with really good boundaries). While I miss the school library, making that change has done so much for how I feel. I still don't know what I want to do with the rest of my career but I'm happy just working where I am right now (a college library with no responsibility). Also hard agree on the timelines. I didn't own a home until I was almost 40. Had no real need to until we made a big move and knew we wanted have a place of our own. We also thought we'd have kids and we didn't. We are now dog parents. I wouldn't change any of it.
This is great Emily. I'm finally learning some of these lessons myself(and am also turning 4-0 in Aug). Life happens whether you're ready or not so be you, take chances, screw what others think and be happy. It's easier said then done some days, but it's worth it. That's why I'm trying to get out of my current job, getting involved in more activities and letting things roll off my back. I've loved and lost too much in my life to not live everyday the way I want. To the next chapter of life!
SUCH a good and useful list! #1 is the rule I live by!!!!! There's a Brazilian expression: "You already have the no" which is a good reminder to always ask.
Happy Birthday Emily! I've been following for quite a while and I love this list. If I could tell my younger self anything it would be "you are gorgeous, omg, your hair looks great, you are so stylish and cute." I spent way too much time worrying about my looks when in reality, I didn't need to change a thing! In my later years, I am trying to say yes to as much as possible which is why I recently packed up my little dog and moved temporarily to Spain where I am working for an educational foundation. Am I fluent in Spanish - NO - but I have a tutor and I am learning and growing every day.
My DD lives in Spain. May I ask what educational foundation you work for? I’m always looking for ways to get there. I love Spain. And as a former teacher, I love that. You’re there as their schools could use the help. DD did two years as an auxiliar , and oof! The stories!
I am a new subscriber. This was my first article I’ve read and I am damn impressed and proud of myself for making a good decision by subscribing. My BFF subscribes to you and I figured if she likes you, I will too. I was right. :)
Item #9 was my favorite in your list of really great topics. Life is happening now. Don’t wait till you are thinner, richer, happier or out of debt. Carpe Diem and grab life by the cajones and go after what your heart desires. Happy New Year. I hope it’s the best one yet!
-Beth
Thank you for joining us!
Number 4 is especially powerful to me. In 2023, my marriage of 14 years ended and I felt lost. I was about to turn 39, and everything I had known and expected of my future was gone. After a few months of rotting, I decided to start “showing up for me,” which I learned I had forgotten how to do during my marriage. I started saying yes to invites out with friends, I joined a needlepoint club, I invited people to my house for dinner; I showed up for me and started designing the life I wanted. And deserved.
A year post divorce, and newly 40, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’m living the life I want. Making decisions based on what brings me joy, not because I feel like I should. It’s a beautiful and powerful feeling.
Emily, happy birthday! I read nearly every word you write, and just printed this email out because it's such well rounded guidance for the year (and always.) Thank you for everything you share with us and for always being authentically you.
Happy Birthday! These are all great lessons. I find that I actually tell myself "Other People Are Busy Thinking About Themselves, NOT YOU" often when I start to ruminate or have an introvert hangover after a social outing. It's a good stopgap to the over-thinking.
I hope the next year is so much better than this last one for you!
I would tell myself that everyone is making this up as they go, and everyone is doing this for the first time. You don't have to have it all figured out right away.
And no one else is you or has your life, so you are automatically the default expert in it.
Lastly, you are not responsible for other people's emotional reactions to your boundaries. Someone else might be disappointed, but it is worse to disappoint yourself.
Thanks, Emily, as always, for your excellent writing and your voice! I hope you have a great birthday!!
Happy birthday, Emily! As someone with a couple more decades under her belt than you have, I wholeheartedly agree with this list--and I will be sharing it with my daughter :)
Happy Birthday and welcome to the club! I'm 44 and the thing I wish my younger self knew is that work won't love you back. Working overtime and bending over backwards for a company will not do you any good. Call out sick, take a mental health day and don't feel guilty!
I just turned 40 last November and I found this list so helpful. One of the things I encountered as I turned 40 was the realization I had all these beliefs in my head about what it meant to now be 40 that were complete trash. Working on rooting those out when they pop up. Happy birthday to you!
Yes!! The difference between beliefs and truths is something I (internally) think about often. Especially beliefs about myself (I just the type of person who… etc etc)
Newly 50, this list hit home in a big way. Happy Birthday, Emily!
Love this! All things we "should" know but we forget in the moment so dang often.
Happy early birthday!!🎉
Happy birthday!!! I would tell my younger self that it’s okay to let go of people. Listen to the signals your body sends you. Families are a construct, and one day you’ll make a new family and it will be beautiful and loving and respectful. You are a whole and unique person and you have value.
Happy Birthday! And as I like to say to anyone turning 40, welcome the dark side. LOL This is a great list. The career path and timelines stuck out to me. I wanted to teach since I was a kid and that's what I went to school for and what my entire career was. But almost 20 years in I walked away because it was taking away from me and not giving anything back (even with really good boundaries). While I miss the school library, making that change has done so much for how I feel. I still don't know what I want to do with the rest of my career but I'm happy just working where I am right now (a college library with no responsibility). Also hard agree on the timelines. I didn't own a home until I was almost 40. Had no real need to until we made a big move and knew we wanted have a place of our own. We also thought we'd have kids and we didn't. We are now dog parents. I wouldn't change any of it.
This is great Emily. I'm finally learning some of these lessons myself(and am also turning 4-0 in Aug). Life happens whether you're ready or not so be you, take chances, screw what others think and be happy. It's easier said then done some days, but it's worth it. That's why I'm trying to get out of my current job, getting involved in more activities and letting things roll off my back. I've loved and lost too much in my life to not live everyday the way I want. To the next chapter of life!
SUCH a good and useful list! #1 is the rule I live by!!!!! There's a Brazilian expression: "You already have the no" which is a good reminder to always ask.