Secret Votes and Silent Courage: Women Breaking Free from Marital Suppression

I know a lot of us are feeling despair or anxiety right now - over what is going to happen in the next few days (and weeks and months.) But now is the time to make those final calls. Send those extra texts. And know that we have done all of the things and we will do all of the things until the very end, and there is good reason to have hope. 

Because on Tuesday Trump and all of his acolytes are going to start screaming that there’s no way Kamala could win - but we will know there very much is. And it’s not just the Iowa poll showing Kamala is up 47% to Trump’s 44% (!). 

There are a lot of things giving me hope right now and I want to share one of them with you.

I truly believe that a lot of the polls are skewed because women are staying quite about it. They are voting against the beliefs of their husbands and their communities because they realize just how much is at stake for their futures. (That and the pollsters are herding to the center so that they can keep their jobs.)

This came into stark relief when we talked to Tia Levings, author of A Well Trained Wife: My Escape From the Christian Patriarchy for We’ve Got Issues this week and she revealed how many women have reached out to her to tell her they are voting in secret. 

You can find the podcast episode here!

There is a line from Tia’s book that has stuck with me for a long time. It’s a visceral reminder of the abuse she endured with her first husband under the thumb of the Christian patriarchy:

“Today it hit me when he hit me, blood shaking in my brain. Maybe there wasn’t a savior coming. Maybe it was up to me to save me.”

We've witnessed a spike in political advertisements promoting the confidentiality of votes—specifically aimed at women voting in secrecy. The distressing need for such campaigns highlights an underlying issue faced by countless women controlled by patriarchal norms.

Tia’s recent call on social media for stories from women experiencing similar oppression has unearthed a stark reality—scores of women are silently voting different ballots from their spouses, showcasing a brave act of defiance.

Here’s an abridged bit of the transcript about what Tia is hearing. I think it will give you some hope too.

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We’ve Got Issues: Tia could you quickly introduce yourself to our audience.

Tia:  I wrote A Well Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy, which is a memoir of what it's like to live in the world that Project 2025 is looking to create. I often call it the prequel to The Handmaid's Tale. 

WGI: You posted something on social media this morning that really gave me the chills in a good way. You said you are getting messages from women  who are in situations similar to what you escaped from, who are telling you that they are voting differently from their husbands, but they're keeping it a secret. Tell me about this. 

Tia: So in my story, I was not allowed to vote. Head of household voting is part of the Christian patriarchy. So I was not allowed to vote unless my husband said I could. I was able to vote in the Florida recount because the heads of households were letting their women vote as long as they voted with their husbands. And I knew if I did not vote according to my husband’s wishes I would be physically punished. 

This week I was getting flooded with messages of women who were saying they were voting in secret, they were explaining how they were doing it and they told me their stories. I put up a question box and said they could share more anonymously and even more came in. 

I was blown away by how many people responded. There were so many I could only post half of them on Instagram. 

There are all these women doing this thing, this thing that I didn’t have the courage to do. They are in violation of their closest family, their parents, their husbands and their communities and they are doing it anyway.

This bravery is so hope inspiring. One of them told me that she had her ballot mailed to her daughter's house so that she could secretly vote without her husband knowing it.  Another one said that she's gonna vote privately, but if her husband asks, she's prepared to lie to him.  People are telling me: I'm going to vote for women and protect my granddaughter's rights, my daughter's rights, women of color. I'm going to vote for women who aren't like me. I heard from a lot of women saying, I'm not changing my registration, but I'm voting Democrat this time. So many of that, which gives me hope with the polls. I don't believe the polls. There are a lot of Republican voters who are voting for Harris. 

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How are YOU feeling? Have you talked to people in your life who are voting D for the first time? Are you canvassing or writing postcards or making calls for the first time this cycle? Do you feel it in the air like I do?