Building a Life That's Actually Yours: What I've Learned and Where I'm Going
My goals for the next decade of living
This week has been a devastating one for our country. I have many friends in Los Angeles, all of whom are thankfully safe, but my heart continues to break for everything the city is losing. Before we dive into today’s substack I just want to add a few key links here to help us all digest the news that is coming in and for those interested in helping.
The Cut has a very comprehensive guide on how to help victims of the fire. The Mutual Aid LA Network had put together a constantly updated spreadsheet of highly specific needs from various organizations and Teen Vogue has written about where to donate clothing and toiletries. There are physical and monetary ways to help from close by and from all over the country.
Dr. Kelly Fradin did an excellent piece on how to limit the effects of wildfire smoke.
Please take care of yourself and your loved ones right now.
This week I’m doing a very special series on the EYP Substack in honor of my 40th birthday. These will be posts with my advice on what living a good life is and isn’t, what makes me really angry, and thoughts on how I’m actively working on shaping my life to be a life I enjoy living.
My first post was my top 10 pieces of advivce for living a life you love.
Today I’m sharing my personal goals for the next decade.
I turn 40 today and instead of having an existential crisis about an arbitrary number I feel surprisingly grounded. Not because I have everything figured out or because I’m without a desire for change, but because I trust my own compass.
Looking back at my twenties and thirties, I'm struck by how much time we all waste trying to map our lives.
If you take anything away from this week’s writing, I hope it’s that you already have permission to build a life that makes sense for you. I spent my twenties building a life that was ideal on paper: Ivy League education, Martha Stewart Wedding, beautiful home, fulfilling career. The world's most perfect cat (RIP tubby). I genuinely loved much of it (not law school) - the intellectual rigor, the travel, the sense of making meaningful contributions.
And then I changed it all. Guess what? Both versions were valid. Both versions were me.
The quiet gift of getting older is watching your priorities shift naturally, without forcing them. You start trusting your gut when it whispers "this isn't right" - even when everything looks perfect from the outside. You find the courage to say "this isn't working" when everyone else thinks it should. Most importantly, you realize that your definition of success at 40 doesn't need to match what you imagined it would be at 25, and that that's okay.
Looking back, I’ve figured out that building a meaningful life isn't about avoiding maps altogether. It's about understanding that your map draws itself with each step you take. It's like wandering through a new city—you know the general direction you're heading, but each turn reveals something new about where you might go next. The wrong turns often lead to the best adventures. This way of living keeps you both grounded and growing, not drifting aimlessly, but not so rigidly committed to a plan that you miss life's beautiful moments. This is how we craft lives that actually feel like our own, by honoring where we've been while staying curious about where we're going.
Looking ahead, I'm getting clearer about what I want this next decade to feel like. Not just the external markers of success, but the actual texture of my days. Here's my goals: