5 Ways to Make Thanksgiving Matter

PLUS Your Civic Gratitude Worksheet

A lot has happened in 2024 and we still have a month to go. As we enter the start of the holiday season, I will be focused on rest and resetting so that I enter into 2025 prepared to focus my outrage into productive action. 

It’s OK to want to check out of the political discussion this Thanksgiving. It’s OK to do a quiet dinner at home instead of heading to that big family get together and it’s OK to change the subject to Wicked when someone says something about Congressional bathrooms.  It’s also OK to bring up politics and remind people that school vouchers became a thing after school desegregation. 

You get to choose how you do the holidays. 

What I am choosing to focus on this Thanksgiving season is how I can rebuild connections, give back to my community and find hope in this polarized world. 

I went back to reread Democracy in Retrograde this week as I was making plans to do personalized copies for holiday gift giving. You can order a personalized copy with East City Books from now until Dec. 5. They’re my local indie and I love them.

And as I was reading I jotted down five lessons that resonated with me while preparing for the holiday. 

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1. It’s a Privilege to Bring People Together

Thanksgiving isn’t just about the turkey (although I’m more of a sides girl); it’s about the people around the table. It’s about creating space to gather and have meaningful conversations. It’s about using food as a way to connect. Maybe you want to sit Thursday’s meal out, order in and binge Call the Midwife. You do you. But remember that food is such a great way to create a public square anywhere, to create a place where friends and strangers can come together to meet, debate, gossip, and simply connect. Historically, these public squares were the lifeblood of civic engagement. This Thanksgiving, let’s commit to finding or creating our own “public squares.”

2. We All Deserve a Time for Reflection and Action:

The holiday is a natural time to reflect on what matters most to us. This is a time to try to clarify what is important to you, what makes you anxious, what you would change with a magic wand, and what you feel is missing from your life. And from there you can start to anchor a plan that feels personal and fulfilling. I made a gratitude worksheet to fill out this week and I’m sharing it with you at the end of this newsletter.

3. Empathy Can Combat Polarization

This country is fracturing, our social fabric is fraying and we’re all exhausted.. If you’re spending this Thanksgiving with people you disagree with politically, try to focus on building empathy instead of walls. Thanksgiving offers a chance to build connections with people who have different perspectives and build the bonds necessary to hold society together. The key is listening, asking questions, getting curious and trying to keep things from getting nasty. It’s not going to be easy, but empathy and curiosity are going to build the bridges we need going forward. (In Democracy in Retrograde we go into detail about how nurturing relationships with people who have opposing views are a key part of fixing the extremism problem). 

4. This Season is a Call to See Civic Engagement as Gratitude in Action:

Gratitude isn’t just about saying “thank you”—it’s about giving back. Civic engagement can be a form of self-care. Making your voice heard by your elected representatives and becoming engaged in your community are fundamental assertions of self-worth and self-esteem. What better way to show thanks than by becoming an active participant in your community’s well-being? This Thanksgiving should be a call to express gratitude by getting involved in local communities.

5. Hope is a Civic Value:

The ultimate Thanksgiving lesson is one of hope. Taking actions that are rooted in your personal values is the antidote to despair.  

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A Thanksgiving Civic Gratitude Worksheet

This year, let’s use this holiday as a chance to turn gratitude into action.

Step 1: Take Stock of What You’re Grateful For

Start with the good. Take a moment to reflect on your community:

• What are you thankful for? Fun excursions with your kids, time and space to go hiking, fancy dinners, good cheese, a bingeable television show?

• Who are you grateful for? A friend to call when you are down, a teacher that helps your kid, the lady at the needlepoint store who always calls you when she gets a good design in? 

Step 2: Anchor Your Gratitude in Your Community

Civic Gratitude is about recognizing the systems behind the scenes that made these moments possible. That teacher is part of your local school district; the neighbor is part of a culture of community care. Identifying these connections can help you see how personal gratitude often intersects with civic life.

• What are you thankful for? Maybe it’s the local library that keeps your kids reading, the pothole-free streets, or a neighbor who’s always there to lend a hand. Write these down. Acknowledging the positive reminds us what’s worth protecting and growing.

• Who are you grateful for? Think of the people who are making it happen, teachers, local business owners, the garbage collectors. 

Step 3: Reflect on What’s Missing in Your Life

Gratitude isn’t just about celebrating what’s good; it’s also a powerful tool for identifying what could be improved. By reflecting on what feels absent or unfulfilled, you can uncover opportunities to create a richer, more satisfying life. Reflecting on these questions isn’t about dwelling on the negative—it’s about gaining clarity. Gratitude can inspire you to take intentional steps toward closing these gaps, whether by reaching out to old friends, setting boundaries to make space for what matters, or carving out time for things that bring you joy.

• What do you wish you had more of in your life? Perhaps it’s a greater sense of community, like a neighborhood where people drop by unannounced. Maybe it’s more solitude to recharge after busy days, or more quality time with family and loved ones.

• What feels out of balance? Think about the areas in your life where you feel stretched too thin. Is it work taking over your personal time? Are your hobbies or passions being neglected?

• Who or what do you miss? Are there people, traditions, or activities you used to cherish that have fallen by the wayside?

Step 4: Reflect on What’s Missing in Your Community

A truly vibrant community balances meeting the needs of all its members with creating opportunities for connection, growth, and care. Reflecting on what’s missing is a chance to identify where you can help make a difference.

• What’s frustrating about your community? Is it a lack of safe, walkable spaces? The fact that cars speed down streets filled with kids? Insufficient resources for local schools? Maybe it’s an absence of events or gatherings that bring people together.

• What’s missing for underserved groups? Consider the needs of those who might not have a voice in shaping the community. Are there enough resources for seniors, safe spaces for teenagers, or support for new families?

• Where are the gaps in connection? Think about how people in your community interact. Are there opportunities to meet neighbors, collaborate on local projects, or celebrate shared achievements?

Step 5: Share the Gratitude Loop

A gratitude loop is a reinforcing cycle where expressing and experiencing gratitude leads to positive psychological and social outcomes. When you feel gratitude, it prompts you to express thanks or do acts of kindness - this improves your own life and also strengthens social bonds, encouraging more gratitude. This is the feedback loop. This cycle not only enhances personal well-being but also contributes to building more compassionate and connected communities.

• Encourage your friends and family to reflect on their own civic gratitude.

• Share the stories of local wins—like that new park bench or the school fundraiser—because small victories build momentum.

Action ideas: 

• Share your gratitude with others. Post on social media, or better yet, tell someone directly why you appreciate their work or impact.

• Take one thing  you’re grateful for in your community and research how it’s funded or maintained. For example, who keeps the library open, and what challenges do they face?

• Write down one thing you feel is missing in your life and brainstorm one small step you can take to address it. For example, if you miss connecting with friends, schedule a coffee date. If you crave more solitude, dedicate a weekend morning to yourself. The goal isn’t to fix everything overnight, but to start creating the life you want, one intentional action at a time.