Finding Hope After Loss, 5 Questions with Ashley Spivey
AND a Breaking News Alert from Louisanna that is a great talking point for you
The news cycle is confusing and exhausting. This newsletter will keep you updated on everything you need to know and give you HOPE on a regular basis. Creating this content for you is currently my full time job. The best way to support me and my work is to subscribe or order my book, Democracy in Retrograde.
Today I have a two parter for folks (trying something new!). The first is 5 Questions with
, IG celebrity, IVF mama and stillbirth prevention advocate. She also has a substack with her sister . The second is a quick summer of a recent story in the news that is a perfect talking point for you5 Questions with Ashley Spivey:
You originally gained your social media following as a contestant on The Bachelor but the reason I follow you, and so many people I know do, is because of your political commentary. How did you decide to start sharing your political views online? Did you ever struggle with having the confidence to do so?
When my season aired, Twitter was the big platform at the time and I just wanted to be authentic and much of that meant sharing my political opinions! I never subscribed to the whole “influencers should keep quiet about politics” and instead I thought it was my duty to try and do as much good as I could with my following while I still had one. My Bachelor debut coincided with the 2011 lead up to the 2012 election - once I started sharing my opinions, I got a lot of negative pushback immediately (from men especially), so that showed me that it was even more important for me to keep on.
I don’t think my confidence ever wavered but it’s difficult to read troll comments and mean DMs every single day. 10/10 don’t recommend but also I’ve developed a pretty thick skin over the years.
How has becoming a mom changed your perspective on politics?
It’s only made me more entrenched in my views. The journey to have a living child would make it impossible for me to ever understand what the fuck the GOP is thinking. Their cruelty knows no bounds, especially for mothers.
You’ve been very active pushing for The Maternal and Child Health Stillbirth Prevention Act, which President Biden signed into law on July 12 of this year. How long did you spend pushing for the bill and while you were doing so did you believe it would become law? Was being part of a team and working with an advocacy organization helpful to you?
After CJ died, I realized that people that have stillbirths do not get paid family leave (PFL). In New York State there is even a loophole that would prevent me from getting paid family leave after giving birth to a dead baby but Steve would get PFL to take care of me. This is unconscionable. While pushing for better PFL policies I started advocating for my followers to change the bereavement leave for families that experience miscarriage or stillbirth by petitioning their HR departments while we wait for state governments and the federal government to do their job. Doing this put me in touch with a number of organizations that were doing necessary advocacy for stillbirth prevention. These women had been fighting FOR YEARS for this legislation - I only stepped in to take part two years ago. We hit a couple of roadblocks along the way that made me think that it might never get done, but I do have to say that every office that I talked to was very empathetic and wanted something to change. The process did make me realize that so much of what we see in a congressperson’s behavior is not indicative of the good work a lot of their offices are doing. This is why it’s so important to reach out and make those calls, write those emails, or participate in town halls. If you can get someone’s ear - it makes a difference.
The Stillbirth Prevention Act is a start but it’s not enough. Getting the SHINE for Autumn Act signed into law is of the utmost importance. Please call your Senators and Reps about it today. DM me and I will point you in the right direction.
I truly cannot say enough good things about the women & men that I’ve worked with over the past couple of years, whether it was Healthy Birth Day, Push for Empowered Pregnancy, Shine for Autumn, Aaliyah In Action, or the Rainbow Clinic. They make sure that our babies live on.
Do you ever feel the need to decompress from politics or get away from it? Do you have a political self-care routine?
I rarely feel the need to decompress from politics but I do think having a continuous conversation online with thousands of people about politics is what can put me in a dark hole. I’ve learned to mute, restrict, block or answer less DMs when I can feel myself getting frustrated. I follow less rage-bait accounts during this election and it’s made a huge difference. I try to only engage with people who are truly asking questions and not those looking for an argument. In my experience, if people are sending me argument after argument I’ll remove them as a follower to save me the stress of an eventual block. This is instagram’s greatest tool.
How do you have hope?
At this point I think it’s a survival mechanism. Maybe a bit of delusion?
But seriously what is the other option?
I forget where I read it or heard it but there are two kinds of people: those who want to be something and those who want to do something. I want to do something, and I hope that something is good. Especially for Penny and CJ.
BREAKING NEWS FROM LOUISIANA:
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Emily in Your Phone to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.